My Online Life

August 2001

In 1997 I discovered Internet Relay Chat (IRC). I’d heard about it and decided to try it. I found the pagan channels and made friends there. In the idle flirting that killed time, we joked about whips and handcuffs and tying people up. One day I found myself in a private chat with someone who wanted to do a full cyber scene with me as the Mistress — he’d spent years in the lifestyle in New Orleans. I was freaked and explained we just did it as a joke. But it also intrigued me and I went to a few sex channels and did some cybering with domination and then found a bdsm channel for bisexual and lesbian women.

Terrified doesn’t begin to describe it. Not sure if I was more afraid of being told I was stupid and didn’t have what it takes to be a domme or of finding myself at home with all these “sick” people. The struggle continued for months–years actually. I took very baby steps and I look at some of the delusions I clung to in those early days and am amused. “Not interested in pain”! I actually said that. Repeatedly! Even on my website (see if you can find that, it still exists somewhere on the current site). Then I evolved to pain being a tool of domination. I couldn’t possibly like pain for its own sake. That would be wrong! LOL.

Back to the point. I spent several years, overlapping with my moving into real life activities, in online relationships. Looking back I can see that the early ones were standard: the same patterns most people online encounter. Slowly, online became “long distance”. People that I knew and met and saw real life, talked to on the phone, sent presents and letters and cards. Online became only one media by which we communicated, not the defining location of our relationship. I still spend a lot of time online, though more chatting one-on-one with my “real life” friends (some that I first met online) and participating in e-mail discussion lists. But you can still find me in IRC channels, talking, not cybering.

Below are a few pieces I wrote for my site when my primary identity was online. They refer to training philosophies and collared relationships that took place on IRC and e-mail. I never considered online to be “less” than “real life”, just different. It serves it’s own purpose and many people are very happy with their relationships lasting for years with never a physical touch or even a voice. It served me well and I could see myself returning to an online relationship, as a starting point for a long distance one or as a way to explore some new aspect of bdsm I’m not ready for in real life. Or as a way to guide and help someone I care for who doesn’t want a real life relationship. There’s lots of reasons for it. I guess I’ll find out if I return when I find myself in an online relationship.

Pages that are not dated were most likely written prior to 1999.

On Training
My Approach to Online Training
My Online Training Rules
My Rules for Online Submissives/Slaves